Why did the viola cross the orchestra pit? To find the melody it lost.
How do you spot the viola player in the orchestra? Follow the sound of quiet panic.
In orchestra rehearsals, the violas are like Wi-Fi; no one notices until they are gone.
The viola section is the Switzerland of the orchestra; neutral, quiet, and a bit confused.
When the violas start playing, the brass section politely leaves the room.
Every orchestra needs violas; they make everyone else look good.
The only time violas lead the orchestra is during a fire drill.
Violas are the emotional support instruments of the orchestra.
When the violas play in sync, it is called a miracle.
I am the middle child of the orchestra, and it shows.
What is the definition of a cluster chord? A viola section playing on the C string.
What's the difference between the first and last desk of the viola section? About half a bar.
Why did the violist get fired from the orchestra? For always getting stuck in Coda.
What's the similarity between the Beatles and the viola section of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra? Neither has played together since 1970.
How do you get a viola section to play spiccato? Write a whole note with 'solo' above it.
What's the difference between first chair and last chair viola? Two measures and a key signature.
A violist complains to the director that one of his strings is out of tune. When told to just tune it, the violist replies 'But I don't know which string it is!'
How do you get violists to not play something? Label it with 'soli'.
What is the first sound you hear after the conductor yells 'Bratsche!' The concertmaster saying 'Gesundheit.'
One day at a symphony rehearsal, there was a commotion in the back of the viola section. The conductor asked 'Hey, what's the problem back there?' Last chair violist: 'The trumpet player behind me bumped my peg box and knocked one string loose.' Conductor: 'Well, why don't you just tune it up again?' Violist: 'He won't tell me which one he hit.'
A viola player was so bad, even the other viola players noticed.
Orchestra director: 'Violas, please play measure 32.' Violist: 'What page is that on?' Director: 'It's the only measure on that page.'
Our conductor asked the violas to play with more emotion. They all looked confused.
Orchestra joke: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? On a bull, the horns are in front and the a** is in the back.
Orchestra rehearsal schedule: 10:00 - Violins warm up. 10:15 - Cellos tune. 10:30 - Violas arrive. 10:45 - Violas ask what piece we're playing.
The viola section was asked to play with more passion. The principal said: 'We would, but our hearts aren't in it. Neither are our brains.'
Orchestra seating: First violins near the conductor to hear praise. Violas in the back to hide shame.
Orchestra meeting: 'We need to cut costs.' Cellist: 'Get rid of the second oboe.' Conductor: 'Get rid of the viola section.' Everyone: 'Finally, a good idea.'
The principal violist was promoted to last chair. It was considered an upgrade.
